Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
