Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
