She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You were trust falling into bushes
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
