they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
