Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
