Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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