I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
