Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
