ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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