I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She's better-looking with the mask on.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
