No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
