This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
