I need to stop coming to work sober
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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