i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
