so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
