I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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