she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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