I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
