life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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