woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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