i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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