It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
