Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
