I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
