im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This is classic penis vs brain.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
