u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
