Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
