How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
