I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
