Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
