If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
