Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
