i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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