Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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