dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
