positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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