we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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