I don't usually arrange sex via text message
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
