You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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