Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Randomize
