i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
