I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
