you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
