soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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