You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
