the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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