I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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