My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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