for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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