Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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