Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
