from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
