This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
