last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
