White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
