i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
