all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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