This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
