The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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