Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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