I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
