My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
