summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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