The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
