I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
