there's paper in my vomit.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
