Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
