WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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