**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
