Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize