I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize