I CAN MOONWALK!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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