all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize