I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
