dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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