lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
