Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
