Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
