I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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