your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
