a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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