My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
