I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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