I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
