My liver just broke up with me...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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