Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
