dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
