I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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